


Why Aren't You Angry?

by Brunetterebel010



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-17 22:55:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3546851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brunetterebel010/pseuds/Brunetterebel010
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He didn't want to be saved, but she didn't ask for his input. Snape is saved by the last person who should want to keep him alive. Can she win him over? Or shuld she have left him to die.</p>
<p>Disclaimer (Do we still do these?) I do not own The Harry Potter series or any of its characters. Those belong to J.K. Rowling and her publisher(s). I make no money from this writing, it’s just for fun. I hope you enjoy it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this story to FanFiction.net a LONG time ago, but I'm new to AO3 and figured I'd use it as my guinea pig for learning how to post and use this platform. I hope you enjoy!

“The hand holding Harry thudded to the floor and Snape moved no more.”  
Mattie bit back a scream of terror as she watche3d his hand fall to the floor. She didn’t have to; the protection spells she had cast would have ensured that no one heard. But she kept silent as the cold voice of Voldemort rang out, as the Chosen One and his companions left. She did not make a sound until she had entered the shack. She collapsed on the floor next to Severus and began to sob. Desperately she took hold of his wrist, hoping for a pulse; knowing she wouldn’t find one. She was shocked to feel something. His pulse was weak, irregular, barely enough, but if she worked quickly perhaps she could save him. Without considering what she was doing she began healing wounds, forcing a potion to restore lost blood, and making manual efforts to restore his breathing. After several of the longest moments of her life she heard a gasping breath. The endless black eyes snapped open and scanned the room in confusion. Suddenly she realized that she was still hidden beneath her protective spells. Before she could remove them, he spoke.  
“Lily, I was so close Lily” he said, his voice pained. Suddenly she was unsure if she had done the right thing. She removed her shields. He showed no surprise at her appearance. She conjured a goblet of wine and tipped a vial of sleeping potion into it. “Drink this” she said, gently lifting him from the floor and placing the cup to his lips. He sipped from the goblet before relaxing against the cloak she had laid under him like a pillow. When next the black eyes met her own they were full of anger and agony. He was fully aware now.  
“What have you DONE?” he demanded. Her eyes filled with tears as she replied “I don’t know” and fled, knowing that within moments he would be asleep.  
He watched her as she ran; trying to quiet his anger. She didn’t know that he would rather have been left to die. She couldn’t have, it wasn’t her fault he tried to tell himself. But he had been so close to finding the end of his misery and she had ripped his release way from him. He was so angry that he didn’t notice himself fading into the drug induced sleep. 

Tears slid down her face as she walked. What had she done? She now found herself in the forrest. Without thinking, she stopped to pick up a stone, and began turning it over in her hands. Thinking of Lily, Severus’s first thought had been for Lily. She thought back to her days as a student at Hogwarts. She remembered the tormented boy. He had been much older, if he had ever spoken to her, it was to tell her that she was a filthy mudblood and shouldn’t be there. Too bad she never believed that, knew he was just mad about Lily choosing Potter. Lily, after all these years, he was still in love with Lily Evans. She turned the stone over again and Lily appeared before her, looking a bit befuddled. Mattie jumped in surprise, Lily smiled sweetly.  
“Don’t be scared. Why did you call me here?” she asked.  
“Did I?”  
“Yes.”  
“Well, I didn’t realize… I mean, I don’t know how…?”  
“The means are unimportant my dear. Since I am here, what troubles you?”  
“Severus Snape. I’ve just saved him from dying, but it seems I made a mistake. He would rather have died and been re-united with you.”  
Lily’s eyes grew sad. “He never gave himself a chance to be happy.”  
“Will you… can you talk to him?” Mattie asked.  
“I don’t know what to say to him.”  
“Lily, I want to make him happy, I can’t do that if he won’t let you go.” Understanding filled the specter’s eyes.  
“You’ve loved him as long as he’s loved me, haven’t you?” A tearful nod was the only response. “Alright, lead the way.” Silently they journeyed towards the shack. When they arrived, Mattie pulled open the door and Lily knelt at Snape’s side. Gently she pushed the dark away from the pale face.  
“Sev,” she whispered “Severus wake up.” Slowly his eyes opened. A slight smile graced his lips as he looked into Lily’s eyes.  
“So, she let me die after all.” He said.  
“No Severus, please listen to me” she put a hand on his shoulder to keep him from rising. “She had no way of knowing you wished to die, but know that she has given your life back to you. Live it. Please, let go of your past, find love and happiness in your present, your future. Don’t dwell in the past. You will only find pain and bitterness there.”  
“I’ve made too many mistakes Lily. I can never forgive myself, it’s my fault you’re gone. My pain is my own doing.”  
“Severus, if it helps at all, I forgive you, for everything, and I beg you to please forgive me. I wronged you too. But Sev, I’ve been gone a long time, let me go.” With that, Lily rose, and went back outside. “Throw that stone far away” she instructed Mattie before she disappeared. Mattie threw the stone and , taking a deep breath, entered the room where Snape lay, staring at the door.  
“I hope you have a plan” he said coldly, without looking at her “because I can never show my face here again.”  
“I have a plan” she replied. She took hold of his hand and apparated to her home. With surprising strength and unending gentleness, she carried him to a bed and laid him down. Without thinking she brushed his hair back and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead.  
“Please don’t hate me for this.” She whispered as she left the room. He listened as she walked across the hall and when through a door. He didn’t know how long it was that he lay there, listening as she cried before he drifted off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Snape’s sleep was haunted and restless. His head was filled with Lily’s words, and his dreams were nightmare scenes of evil, red eyes and betrayal.   
When he awoke he was no more rested than when he had gone to sleep. His entire body was sore. The snake bites were painful. Slowly he sat up and looked around him. The door to the hallway was closed. To his left an open door led into a bathroom. He walked to that door. On the counter by the sink he found a note laying.   
“I took the liberty of returning to Hogwarts for your clothing, which is in the wardrobe in your bedroom. Everything else will remain undisturbed until you return for it.”   
Just then a tiny house elf entered the room burdened with towels and toiletries. “Mistress said tell you feel free to make yourself at home Sir.” She said cheerfully. “Mistress has been worried about you. Two whole days you’ve slept Sir. Mistress will be glad to see you when she returns home at lunch time. Please call Carlee if you need anything at all sir.” With a bow, the elf left the room.   
Snape was just dressing after a long, relaxing soak when he heard the door open downstairs. He walked through the bedroom, which he now noticed was elegant, mahogany and black, and went into the hallway. He reached the top of the stairs in time to see the hostess shut the door being her and set a bag on a table that already contained several others. She smiled when she noticed   
“Good morning. How are you feeling?” she inquired.   
“Like I’ve been in the middle of a war zone” he replied sardonically.   
“Well at least your cheery demeanor and fabulous sense of humor are in tack.” She said. “In case you’re interested, Harry Potter defeated Voldemort.” Turning to the bag on the table she retrived a mouse. She walked to the wall and opened a glass case. She dropped the mouse inside and something in Parsel tongue to the cage’s occupant. Snape descended the stairs slowly, holding on to the banister, cursing the stiffness in his limbs. It occurred to him that he might be getting old.  
“Are you in pain Severus?” his hostess asked, her voice filled with concern. One glance at her showed him eyes that were torn between desire to help him , and trying not to upset him.  
“No, just a bit stiff” He replied. She answered with a smile, but her eyes were still filled with concern. Suddenly a though struck him.  
“I don’t even know your name” he blurted.  
“Mattie” she said, then the turned and went into another room, leaving him to make his way down the stairs. He followed her and found himself in a large, cheerful kitchen. She was scanning the contents of a cabinet.  
“Are you hungry?” she asked.  
“Not particularly”  
“Will you be returning to Hogwarts for your things?”  
“How can I, they think I’m dead, and after the memories I shared with Potter I prefer never to see him again.”  
“Would you like me to go get your things?”  
He studied her carefully.  
“Make me a list of what you want and where it’s at” she said, pushing paper and a quill toward him. “You should probably consider getting anything you want from your home as well.” Her words brought him the realization that he couldn’t return home. His house would be cleared of magic, and sold. It didn’t really bother him, that house represented a lifetime of misery. Silently he wrote his list as she prepared pasta for lunch. She set a plate in front of him and settle across the table from him to eat her own lunch in silence. When she had finished she took the list from him and disapparated.  
He rose and began looking around the house, after a while he found a large library. A pensieve stood, reflecting glittering light onto the ceiling. Pausing only to make sure he wasn’t watch, he looked inside; curious about this mysterious stranger who had saved his life.

The first memory showed a normal, muggle family. A young girl was holding a letter from Hogwarts. Severus watched as she discovered the secrets of Diagon Alley and Platform 9 ¾ at King’s Cross Station. He watched as the Sorting Hat placed her in Slytherin house, where she was the only muggle-born. After that came an all too familiar scene. Snape saw himself dangling in the air; being mocked by Potter, Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew. He saw himself yell at Lily. During this scene Mattie was hidden in the shadows beneath a tree, watching, horrified.   
“How cruel they are.” He heard her whisper. “How can they be so cruel? He hasn’t done anything to them.” The next scene once again showed Severus his younger self. Mattie accidentally bumped his arm as he was writing an assignment for his Charms class.  
“You clumsy, mudblood filth!” he screeched at her. “Watch were you walk. Now I’ll have to rewrite this!” He threw the assignment at her. Mattie cringed back and fled. Unable to find comfort in her rooms, as her roommates were all pure-blooded and prejudiced, he saw her sneak back into the common room and spend hours copying the assignment she had ruined, and completing it. When she handed it to him he simply threw it in the fire. It was a shame since her work would have earned him better marks than his own had. Severus continued to watch memory after memory of himself, tormenting this girl. He treated her just as badly as he was treated by the Marauders. Why? Because she was an easy target, as he grew crueler she grew kinder, always trying to help him, though he would never allow it. She was a much better person than he was. She only tried to help instead of making others miserable in her misery. He hadn’t even remembered her, he had never cared about the muggle-born girl with the tearstained face. He had been too angry, too selfish, too focused on Lily to see her offer of friendship. Now she had saved his life, and he was tll tormenting her.Eventually he decided he had seen enough, and he lifted his face to find her standing in the door watching him. Her eyes glistening with tears she refused to let fall.  
“Did you enjoy the show Severus?” she asked.  
“Not at all” he said miserably.”  
“I never tried to make you angry, never meant to hurt you. I tried to help you, make your days a little better. That’s why I couldn’t let you die so senselessly. I guess I should have given up a long time ago” she turned and walked calmly up the stairs, calling behind her “Your things are in your bedroom.”   
After a few moments he ascended the stairs. As he began looking through the trunks, arranging his belongings, he heard her descend the stairs and then return.   
“Why are people so complicated?” she asked no one, or at least he thought it was no one until he heard a snake hiss in reply. He passed the evening silently, he went downstairs and ate when she called him, other than that he didn’t leave his room. He was hiding from her and he knew it. He felt like a coward, but he didn’t know what to say; he was ashamed of his behavior then and now. When he heard her go to bed he slipped back to the pensieve. Next to it he saw a small vial of thought and a note.  
“This one you need to see”

Snape poured the memory into the pensieve and watched. The face of angel materialized before him. Mattie was talking to Lily.  
“He’s really not cruel, he just doesn’t like people to know he’s hurting. He’s afraid he’ll seem weak.” Lily said. He realized that both of them had their eyes trained on him across the yard.  
“He’s in love with you you know.” Mattie said.  
“I know, but what he wants isn’t what he needs. I care about Sev to much to hurt him, and I would hurt him.” There were tears in Lily’s eyes as she spoke.  
“We’re too much alike to be more than friends. Sev needs someone more like you, who can face his anger without being angry.” Mattie jumped in surprise at these words.  
“Me? He hates me.”  
“Yes, and despite how he acts, you don’t hate him. You’re so kind, too good to him really.”  
“I know what it’s like to be alone.” The young Mattie’s face showed how true this was.   
“Mattie, do me a favor.” Lily said. “I’m afraid our friendship is ruined. Take care of him for me Mattie. Keep being kind, he needs that even if it’s not what he wants.”  
“I will.” Mattie said. “I will if it kills me.”

The scene changed. He saw that Mattie was the only one Dumbledore had told the whole truth too. He saw Voldemort try to talk it out of her, but when asked what she knew her reply was biting “Severus Snape never loved anything, or anyone, not even himself. He’s too much a coward to put himself in danger for some dead woman. He is the last of your filthy minions you should fear betrayal from.” She spat at Voldemort, earning herself a slap across the face from Bellatrix Lestrange. She was left all but dead by them because of him. He saw her, the bruise in the shape of a hand still on her face, kneeling at Lily’s grave in Godric’s Hollow. “I’m trying Lily. I’m doing everything I can. I hope it’s enough.” Without even realizing it, he had made her life hell. He left the room and went back upstairs. He hesitated at the top of the stairs, not knowing whether he should speak to her or not until he heard her crying. He swept across the hall to the door to her room. He rapped on the door.   
“Come in” she called. He entered the room, looking around with a quick, curious glance. The walls were deep purple, accented with black; darker than he expected. She was standing at the windows, her back to him.  
“Do you need something dear?” she asked kindly.  
“Why? All of those years, why did you do it?” he asked.  
“I would like to say to keep my promise to Lily. But that would only be half of the truth.” She turned to face him now, her eyes sad. She had tear streaks down her face. “She cared for you, even after you hurt her, but she knew that you had much to learn. She knew that you always wanted the exact opposite of what was good for you; like living your life for her, even after she was dead. Not that your efforts to help her son weren’t necessary, but you did it for the wrong reason. You always do the right thing for the wrong reason, or vice versa. But I would be lying to say all my efforts were on her behalf. She wasn’t the only one that cared about you you know.” She turned back to the window. He couldn’t see her face as she continued. “All those times I cried because of you, I knew that you weren’t really so heartless. In fact your heart was bigger than anyone’s, more easily broken. You were hiding behind iron bars of hate, keeping the sadness hidden. But locking yourself in the cage with your misery ony makes it grow.” He stared at her in amazement. “Why aren’t you bitter? Why don’t you hate me?”  
“Because I understand.” Was all she said. He crossed the room without thinking as she turned to face him.   
“I don’t” he said desperately. “I don’t understand how you could possible continue protecting me, from the Dark Lord himself. Why would you risk your life for a miserable, pathetic fool who never spoke a kind word to you?”  
“Everyone deserves a second chance Severus. Don’t you get it?” That’s what Lily wanted. She wanted you to live, really live; free of remorse for her, free of dark masters and hopelessness. That’s why I couldn’t let you die; you never really lived. Please just don’t make it a wasted effort. You’ve lived your whole life for her, don’t defy her final wish.”  
“You’ve done the same thing you know; spent your life watching out for me. Maybe you need to “live” too”  
“I have Severus. You have spent your life loving a dead woman and loathing everyone else, even yourself. I’ve spent years helping someone I love, someone who’s alive and well, but now I guess that’s over. I don’t know what I’m going to do now.” Tears were sliding down her face. Unthinkingly, Snape reached out and pulled her toward him, cradling her head on his shoulder. Another bout of self-loathing swept over him. He had made her life hell. Why was she so stubbornly kind? Why didn’t she hate him? He didn’t understand.  
“I’m sorry.” He whispered, almost inaudibly.   
“It’s not your fault Severus.” She said gently. “I made my choice knowing what I was up against.” Suddenly her jerked away from her, his face clouded with anger. She gasped in shock and a touch of fear.  
“Don’t say that!” he shouted. “Don’t tell me it’s okay. The way I treated you, treated many people. It’s not okay, I’m a horrible monster. I’m selfish and cold and I never stop to care if I’m hurting others.”  
“To be a monster is like to be humble. Knowing you are makes it untrue. You’re human Severus everyone makes mistakes. People who have been ill-treated often don’t know how to treat other any differently.”  
“Not you, you just keep on loving.”  
“Love is a choice too difficult for some to make.”  
“Don’t make excuses”  
“I’m not excusing your behavior. I’m saying it’s understandable.” He gazed at her in wonder.  
“You are amazing. Why aren’t you angry?”  
“Anger is a waste, it only hurts people.”  
Snape was at a loss for words. Mattie had returned to gazing out the window. Silently he turned and left the room, shutting the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looking back at FF.net I see that this was originally posted in 2010. I was 18 and had just read HP for the first time. This probably isn't the fic I would write now. I know that somewhere I have a drawer full of other ideas for stories that would have been much better. I may revisit those next, but for now enjoy this one. I think I'll have the entire thing posted over here today. You can always check it out on FF.net under the same username (Brunetterebel010) or come see me on Tumblr at http://meg-thedemon-queenofheaven.tumblr.com/


	3. Chapter 3

As soon as she heard the lock in his door click, Mattie collapsed; her entire body shaking with silent sobs. Her entire life, since her second year at Hogwarts, had been devoted to Severus Snape; keeping him safe, loving him despite all of the horrible things he had said to her. He didn’t know, couldn’t have known. But now he did, and she was afraid she had spent all of these years hoping in vain. She was afraid that now, he would go off, far away. She could live life without constantly guarding him, but she would miss it. She had been the only person Albus had shared Snape’s secret with. The only one who knew the best of Severus. It made her sad for him that he chose such a solitary existence, trusted by no one, even the ones he sacrificed himself to protect. It was a miserable way to live. Eventually, she was able to pick herself up off the floor and get into bed. Across the hall, Severus Snape was not so lucky.

 

His mind was churning. He fell into an exauhsted sleep as the sun came up; his dreams were haunted with images of Lily and Albus, begging this girl to help him. He, who never thought he needed help, had ruined her life because he had. If he was truthful with himself; he needed her help now more than ever. He needed her to show him how to live. He wanted her to show him how she stayed so unendingly patient and kind. When he awoke he wasn’t sure where that last thought had come from. 

 

Snape pondered those thoughts for several days. At first he mostly avoided Mattie, he couldn’t stand seeing her so cheerful, being so sweet, when he knew she should hate him with a passion. Eventually however, it came to a point where they were more or less comfortable, at he thought. One morning he went downstairs to find the cheerful little house elf setting breakfast on the table. He found a note with his name on it next to his plate.  
“Professor Snape, I have some urgent business to attend. Please feel free to make use of my library, laboratory, etc. if you so desire. I won’t be home until late, in case you care, Mattie”  
He sighed at the final sentence. He finished his breakfast and decided to see if she had anything worth reading in her library. As it turned out, she did. He spent the entire day sitting in front of the library window with a volume about the history of defensive magic. He was surprised when he heard her come home. Glancing at the clock he realized it was nearly midnight. He heard her moving around the front hall, and after a few moments she stumbled into the library. Snape was shocked at her appearance. Her usually neat, pulled back hair was falling down her back. Her eyes were red. He realized she was drunk even before she walked past him; the scent of alcohol emanated from her. He watched as she crossed the room, and opened a cabinet from which she extracted a large bottle and two glasses.  
“Drink Professor?” she inquired. When had she started calling him “professor” she usually just called him Severus.   
“Haven’t you had enough?” He asked.  
“No, muggle alcohol can’t touch this. Tonight I feel the need to be thoroughly, ridiculously inebriated.” She sat down on the couch opposite his chair, plunking the glasses down. She uncorked the bottle and filled the glasses. Picking up her glass, she emptied it faster than he ever could have, and that was saying something. She poured another as he picked up his glass. This time she sipped slowly. Massaging the bridge of her nose with her fingers she said “I’m going to regret this in the morning”  
“Then why do it?” he asked.  
“Because I’m quite tired of crying. Tonight I’d rather feel nothing than feel pain.” She said, running her fingers up and down the side of the glass absently.  
“It will just be worse tomorrow” he said, speaking from experience.  
“Would you please quit acting like you know everything!” she snapped.  
“Ahh, there it is.” He said, unable to keep the smirk from his face.  
“What?” she asked.  
“Anger, irritation, the end of your patience. You aren’t so good at controlling yourself when you’ve been drinking.” He said, thinking of another figure in his life who’d had the same problem.  
“Damn right I’m angry” she spat. “But being angry doesn’t give me the right to make everyone else miserable. It’s not their fault. Hell it’s not even yours. I made my choices, the only person I can really be angry at is myself.”  
“I wouldn’t blame you a bit if you were mad at me.”  
“Most people would be. I’ve done nothing but protect you for twenty years. I’ve been tormented by the Dark Lord himself, and I didn’t tell your secrets. Honestly, I’ve given way too much of myself to have the energy to be angry anymore” she said. He studied her closely. The anger had faded, leaving her face looking tired and sad.  
“Thank you” he whispered. She looked startled.  
“What did you say?”  
“You’ve done so much for me, and I didn’t even know. But now that I do know, you have to know that I’m grateful. You had no reason to give a damn about me, you should hate me, and you don’t. Thank you.”  
Her only response was to down another glass. Severus was on his third, he had lost count of how many she had drunk. They sat for a while, both considering the memories. After a while she stood up.  
“I’m done” she announced.  
“Good, one more drink would probably send you to your grave.”  
“Not what I meant” she said. “What I meant was I’m sick and damn tired of being nice and patient and caring for grouchy old dungeon bats who will never, ever care. I’m killing myself caring for someone who doesn’t care.” Tears were sliding down her cheeks now despite the fact that the drinking had been so she wouldn’t cry, but her voice was laced with anger. Severus was overwhelmed with the desire to comfort her, though he didn’t know why. He rose and went to her side. Taking her hands to get her attention he ordered “look at me.” She hesitantly obeyed. Her dark eyes were confused, a storm of emotions raged in her soul.  
“She, Lily, told me once that even if I didn’t realize it, she and I would never work. She told me someday I’d find someone I needed, someone who needed me. I think she meant you Mattie, and even though you deserve a prince and riches and a million other things I can’t give you, and even though I don’t deserve it, I’m asking for another chance. I’m not going to tell you I’m madly in love with you, but I maybe could be eventually. Let me try to make you happy.” His eyes were pleading. He realized as he spoke that he meant every word, he wasn’t sure when he’d started caring, but the last thing he wanted to do was prolong her unhappiness. In her eyes he saw the promise of a future where he might have a chance at happiness. Those eyes were probing his own now; searching. He met them with and earnest desire to try. Slowly, he lowered his head, and gently, he kissed her. She was too drunk to let it shock her. Instead she decided that he was drunk too; he probably didn’t mean half of it. But for tonight, she would be happy with the lie. So she kissed him back. Slowly, gently, there was no hurry in this kiss, no push for more. He simply held her. After a moment she pulled away, smiling.  
“We should drink more often. It makes us quite agreeable” she said. He simply smiled as the clock chimed.   
“It’s one in the morning, you need sleep” he said.  
She frowned. “I’m not quite sure I can manage the stairs’ she admitted. She was leaning on him rather heavily. Without a though he picked her up bridal-style and carried her. He laid her gently in her bed, and was just about to leave when she grabbed his sleeve.  
“Sev, don’t leave” she pleaded, the expression on her face almost childish in its complete transparency. “Stay until I go to sleep” she wanted to bask in the lie as long as she could. Wordlessly he sat beside her, rubbing circles on her back. With an exasperated huff she sat up and pulled his legs onto the bed, simply to discard his shoes. He gave her a questioning look.  
“Don’t worry Severus, I’m not trying to steal your virtue” she said sarcastically. “Nor jeopardize your golden reputation. I just don’t like being in here alone.” He chuckled.  
“You know, I’m usually the last person people come to when they’re afraid of the dark.”  
“Good” she said with satisfaction “more for me.” She smiled serenely as she closed her eyes. Snape spent a few hesitant moments rubbing her back before he removed his cloak and settle in beside her. For the first time in recent memory, he did not have nightmares, he slept peacefully.


	4. Chapter 4

When he awoke the next morning, Snape found himself lying beside Mattie; her head on his shoulder, his arm around her. He smiled despite the headache, keeping still so he didn’t disturb her if she was still sleeping. It wasn’t long before a groan told him she was awake. She rolled off of him, her eyes screwed shut to block the light. Without opening them she asked “how much did I drink?”  
“More than you should have.”  
“No shit Sherlock”  
“Don’t grouch at me, it’s your doing.”  
“I know, I know. However, is there any chance you know something to help it?” she asked, her distress obvious in her voice.  
“Yes, but it will take about an hour. Since you smell like a saloon, perhaps you should go soak in a warm bath for a while” he suggested teasingly.  
“You don’t smell much better.” She said, crinkling her nose in joking disgust “perhaps you should join me.”  
“Perhaps I will, once I’ve cured your headache” he smirked, rolling out of the bed and gathering his shoes from the floor. With a few rather unladylike words Mattie rolled off the other side and staggered to her feet.   
An hour later he was knocking at the bathroom door.   
“Enter” she called.  
“That hardly seems…”  
“I’m covered up” she interrupted, snapping at him irritably.  
When he entered the room he found this to be true. For one thing, it was rather dim, only a fire lit the room, for another she was covered in bubbles, which saved him the trouble of averting his eyes. Her bathtub was more like a small in-ground swimming pool; marble and beautifully artful.   
“here you are” he said, offering the vial of liquid to her. She drank it and smiled as the magic began taking effect. He took the vial back and turned to leave but she stopped him.  
“Aren’t you going to join me?” He turned incredulously to see her pouting at him.  
Seeing the look on his face, she couldn’t resist teasing him a little. “I’ll avert my eyes until you’re underwater if you like, but it really is relaxing.” He arched an eyebrow at her unladylike suggestion.  
“Oh, come on Severus, I won’t look” she grinned. “I’ll give you a back massage, learn to relax a little, think of it as swimming” the trailed her hands through the water lazily. He hesitated.  
“You obviously want to or you would be gone by now” she observed, reaching her hands toward him like a child asking to be picked up.  
“It’s simply inappropriate.” She snorted at this.   
“The entire world thinks you’re dead. No one knows you’re here. Learn to have a little fun” she flicked water at him playfully. He simply stood, looking at her solemnly. “I’m not going to make you do it, you can turn and leave if you want. But if you continue to simply stand there with that look on your face, I will get out of this tub, undress you, and pull you in myself, which would be rather inappropriate.”  
He stood there for another moment. “I’m counting to three” she teased. With a sigh of resignation he muttered something that sounded a bit like “I can’t believe I’m doing this” he pulled off his cloak. Mattie smiled in victory before turning her back as she had promised. He smiled at her as he undressed and stepped into the water. She waited a few moments before peeking to see if he was covered. When she saw that he was she turned around and walked toward him. Taking his hand she led him to a ledge on the side. Kneeling behind him she began to rub his neck and shoulders, which were extremely tense. He instantly began to relax, she hadn’t trained as a massage therapist for nothing. When his shoulders were free of knots, she continued down his back, the moved to stand in front of him and rub his hands and arms. He rested contently as she worked. After a while she moved to his legs. Reaching under the water, she ran her hand down his leg to life his feet within her reach. She began by simply rubbing the soles of his feet, but she shocked him a little when she braced his feet against her bare stomach as she moved to his calves. He cracked an eye suspiciously as she worked her way up his legs, but she simply smiled at him; stopping before she did anything “inappropriate.” She then returned to simply sit bit beside him for a moment. Then she took his long, greasy hair in her hands and began to massage his scalp, washing his hair and thoroughly relaxing him. This done she wrapped her arms around him from behing and lay her head on his shoulder.   
“See” she whispered “not inappropriate; relaxing and wonderful.”  
“You are wonderful” he said “terribly wonderful, if I don’t leave, I’m going to do something inappropriate”  
“I wish you would” she smiled at him, placing a kiss on his neck. “It would be nice to see you lose control a little”   
Severus was a bit shocked by this side of her, but he couldn’t deny that she was close to getting her wish. Between the dim light, the relaxing scents, and her skin, so very soft, in contact with his own, he was more relaxed in her presence than he had been in a long time, and he was very close to losing control. Suddenly she removed her hands and stood up, climbing out of the water. Snape resisted the urge to gape, but he couldn’t resist one tiny peek. He found her smiling down at him. “Feel free to look if you like what you see.” She grinned “I won’t tell.” With that, she sauntered to a mirror and began to brush her hair. How could he not like what he saw? He thought; she was divine. Suddenly Severus was a little unsure as to what his next move should be. All of his life he had been tormented about his pale skin and wiry frame. He barely knew this woman, and couldn’t believe the way she was acting around him, or the way he was behaving around her. He would never admit how truly self-conscious he was, but suddenly he was nervous. She was a goddess. The awkward teenage girl in the memories had been a diamond in the rough, but now she was finely polished. If she had been the diamond in the rough, he was more like a needle in a haystack; rather unpleasant if you found it without expecting it. He settled on watching her a bit longer, but he couldn’t stop the part of him that wished he was still sitting with him. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realize she was watching him in the mirror. She was carefully trying to decipher his expression; she was afraid she had been to forward, too confident. Eventually, unable to handle wondering what he thought, she left the room to get dressed. When she closed the door Snape snapped out of it and climbed out of the water himself, walking towards his robes. He had just realized that he was in need of a towel when she opened the door carrying one. She stopped when she saw him standing there; it took her a moment to recover before she walked over to him. She wrapped the towel around his hips and leaned against him. She had only managed to don underwear he noticed as she wrapped her arms around him again.   
“Tell me why it is I’m not allowed to look at you again.” She said “you never really gave me a reason, but I can’t think of what you’re trying to hide. You’re beautiful.” She didn’t register the shock in his eyes at these words as she rose to kiss him.  
“I barely know you” he muttered, backing away.   
“That’s your fault” she said, hand on her hips. “but I suppose I am being a little forward. I’m sorry” she turned to leave, but his hand on her waist stopped her.  
“I’m not trying to be rude, or denying that you’re beautiful, but the last thing I want to do is hurt you again.”  
“I’m a big girl, I can make my own decisions, but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”  
He hesitated for a moment, seeing in her eyes that she was being honest, before pulling her close and kissing her again.   
“You can’t help but make me uncomfortable” he smirked “control yourself.”  
With that, he turned and began dressing, leaving Mattie gaping. He simply smirked at her.  
“What time is it? I’m rather ready for lunch.” He said, walking out of the bathroom

When Mattie had finished dressing and entered the kitchen she was surprised to find Severus cooking.   
“I didn’t know you cooked” she said, playfully leaning on him and peeking over his shoulder.  
“I’m a potions master. I cook for a living” he said, surprising her by playfully tugging one of her curls to make it bounce “silly girl” She considered his statement for a minute.   
“Well, you should be a pro at making stew I guess, but other than that I don’t know” she grinned and released him, going in search of a drink. He couldn’t help smiling. He wasn’t sure why they were suddenly so comfortable together, but he didn’t mind it a bit.  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

They were on odd pair, sitting on her back porch. He in his dark robes, she dressed in muggle jeans and a tank-top which she referred to as a “wife beater”. Why anyone would wear a shirt with such a name was beyond Severus.   
It was warm in the American south, summertime. He missed the cloudy, rainy days of England, but he liked it here. The garden was beautiful and green, flowers bloomed everywhere. It had been nearly two months since she had saved him, and they had fallen into a fairly comfortable routine. Mattie had given up her crusade to seduce Severus, but she still spent plenty of time flirting and teasing.  
Severus found he genuinely cared for her. She made him feel younger, more alive. He often found himself smiling at her jokes and teasing. She was steadily growing closer to her goal of making him love her, though she hardly realized it.   
They could talk comfortably about almost anything, but they avoided talking about the past. The past they saved for alone, at night, in their rooms. Mattie was mostly okay these days but Severus couldn’t quite let it go. Late that night found him in his room, an open bottle of firewhiskey at his side and a picture of Lily in his hand. He sat staring at it for a while, but finally he put the picture and the letter he had taken from Black’s house in an envelope and sent them by owl to Harry Potter. After a while longer he sighed and rose. He had something he needed to say. He walked across the hall and knocked softly.  
“Enter” her voice called, he took a deep breath and obeyed, crossing the room to stand beside her. She was once again gazing out the window, but she wasn’t crying now; her face was peaceful.  
“Mattie” he began. “I… I have no idea how to say this” he said, frustrated with himself for not being able to be his typically, confident, sarcastic self around her.  
“Then don’t Sev” she said gently, placing a finger over his lips. “You don’t have to explain anything to me if that’s what you’re doing.” He sighed and pulled her to him, holding her. Silently thanking his lucky stars for her, he realized something and without though, spoke again.  
“Mattie, I love you” he whispered. She gasped, looking into his face with a bit of shock. She had been resigned to being simply friends.  
“I know that I will never find anyone quite as willing to forgive my mistakes and find the good in me as you are. Quite frankly you’ve made me feel things that I’ve never imagined I was capable of. I never dreamed of being truly happy, but I am, and it’s because of you. You are an amazing, beautiful woman, and I never want to go back to a life without you in it.” Her reply was simply a sweet, lingering kiss and a whispered “I love you Severus, more than you will ever understand.”  
“I doubt that” he replied, holding her close and kissing her again. “However…” he didn’t know how to say this part.  
“Lily?” Mattie questioned.  
“How did you know?”  
“Severus, you’ve loved her since childhood, you aren’t just going to be able to turn that off. But she’s not here anymore, so I’m not going to get all jealous or anything. I’ll deal with it.”  
“I just feel like I should be able to give you my whole heart.”  
“I can wait until you’re ready for that.”  
“You are amazing.”  
“I know” she laughed.   
Mattie smiled as he held her close to him. In his arms she felt utterly safe. She was no longer the tired, heartbroken, girl desperately trying to save him. She was happy now.  
Snape smiled and kissed her again. He didn’t know where he’d lost the sarcastic, hateful, miserable, dungeon bat, but he had. He’d never smiled so much in his life. There was no one here to hate him, mistrust him, or abuse him. He didn’t live in fear anymore, and in its absence, he found happiness.


	5. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheesy Epilogue Scene Warning :)

19 Years Later

Snape stood away from the train on Platform 9 ¾ disguised under an invisibility cloak, watching as his daughter boarded the Hogwarts express. He observed the other parents wishing their children good luck. He watched the worried parents of first years with a smirk, but his attention was caught by a man with dark hair, and vivid green eyes. Potter didn’t know he was there as he knelt with his young son only a few feet away. Snape couldn’t help but listen as the boy worried about being placed in Slytherin.  
“Albus Severus” potter began. Snape had to fight not to emit a gasp of surprise at hearing his name attached to Potter’s boy. “You were named for two headmasters of Hogwarts, one of them was a Slytherin, and he was probably the bravest man I ever knew.” Snape stared at Potter in disbelief as he led his son back to the train. To hear himself praised by a boy who had hated him so was a shock. He supposed that this meant Potter had seen the memories, and forgiven him. For the first time in his life, Snape walked away from an encounter with Potter with a slight smile on his face. As the train pulled away, Snape watched as Potter left with the red-headed woman who could only be Ginny Weasley before putting his invisible hand in Mattie’s and returning home.

All was well.


End file.
